INDIGO TALKS-ALEXA WILDING

There is much to say about the beautiful Alexa Wilding. She is a musician, a writer and twin Mama. But most importantly she is someone who rides the waves of life with humor and a big wild open heart. She saw her son, Lou through cancer treatment and she is empowering women all over the world to embrace the journey from maidenhood to motherhood. It is truly inspiring to see how vulnerability leads into strength and that is where the magic begins.

I talked with Alexa about anger, self care, sustainable living and finding your own voice .

Alexa, what is your newest superpower?

Self-kindness. I am learning to be kinder to myself, to not expect so much. I make a point of being kind to the people in my life, so why has it taken me so long to be just as kind to myself?

Which superpower did you gain along motherhood?

Patience. I used to be a very impatient person, not with others but with myself. Having twins forced me to slow down. The boys test my patience on a daily basis, so I have learned to breathe and just go with the flow. Sometimes I sing to myself or repeat “Sa Ta Na Ma,” a Kundalini yoga mantra, while they drive me crazy and push my buttons. It really works!

#twinmagic Lou and West

 

Favorite outfit in New York winter?

Old blue jeans, lined No. 6 clog boots and a warm vintage cape.

 

not a cape but blue jeans

 

What does living sustainable mean to you?

It means being aware on a daily basis what I bring into the house and what goes out. I stop myself before I buy something: do we really need this? How long will it last? I try my hardest to save for the nicer, ethically made item as opposed to the cheaper, questionably made item. This way all the objects in our home and on our bodies, have good energy. Also, winter is sad time because the Farmer’s Market closes for the season. I so rely on it!

 

 

Favorite winter dish recipe?

Yogi Bhajan’s Green Mung Kitcheri with vegetables. Nothing like a big bowl of warm mush: rice, mung beans, carrots and peas, ginger, ghee and spices. I make a big pot and eat off of it for days.

What is the secret of your great skin?

I only use organic products, and sometimes I make my own. I’ve been a Dr. Haushka devotee for years. I love to whip up my own potions from Dr. Pratima Raichur’s book, Absolute Beauty. Likewise, my friend Jessa Blades @bladesnaturalbeauty has a wonderful online shop for special skin treats.

 

picture by Arden Wray

 

Latest vintage find?

A simple, beige cashmere crew neck sweater. I found it at a church sale (it probably belonged to a little old lady) and it keeps me warm and chic.

Do you think there will be a shift in consciousness or will humanity destroy itself?

I’m an optimist, so I believe we will shift our consciousness. We are seeing the dark side of humanity right now. I always think of the Leonard Cohen song, “Anthem.” “There are cracks in everything / that’s how the light gets in.” I am hoping there are so many cracks right now that light will seep through and blind us all with a new beginning.

 

 

What do you do when you have these thoughts?

I sit still, Indian style, on the shag rug in my children’s room while they sleep. At night, I like to tune into their energy and remember to be their Sun.

 

 

Where else could you imagine to live?

I’ve felt a calling for the desert lately. My dear friend, the painter Caris Reid moved to Joshua Tree, and I am dying to visit her. I would love to relocate to New Mexico or Arizona one day and live like Georgia O’Keefe.

 

Georgia O’Keefe

 

How do you take care of yourself?

I take a bath every night, a ritual I can’t do without. I pour in salts, coconut oil and whatever essential oil is calling me that evening. I light a candle and I soak and think about the day. I try to let go of whatever upset me that day, and I make plans for tomorrow. Also, I make sure I sleep. I’ve become very protective of my energy since becoming a mother. I don’t usually sleep through the night (one of the boys always wakes!) so I make sure I get to bed early to get as much rest as I can. Lastly, I talk to likeminded friends and I have a great therapist! Just getting my thoughts and fears out in the open help me let them go. I’m better within minutes.

 

 

Latest book you read?

Rebecca Solnit’s The Faraway Nearby, sent to me by a mother I only know from Instagram, who is also a writer and has also seen her son through cancer. I loved it.

 

 

What would you like your boys to know what you weren`t taught as a child?

I was lucky to have really supportive parents who encouraged me when I showed an interest in something. My father always said, “Find your voice,” and I think that’s been my life mission. I hope to impart the importance of a voice to my boys: knowing that your voice matters, and only you have that voice, that take on life, something to say. I wish though I had been taught to listen more. I have had to work on listening to those who have a harder time connecting to their voice, or who are under heard, as it has always come easy to me. Being a mother has taught me to listen more and thus be more empathetic to those who can’t access their words and therefore realize their dreams.

 

 

What do you do with anger? How do you cope with it?

I have a complicated relationship to anger. I always have a delayed reaction when something or someone infuriates me. Like, three days later I realize how angry I am and then I don’t know what to do with it. I try to channel anger and rage into the discipline to write and make music. Because my son is a cancer survivor, there are days I get so angry that he had to go through that, and that I always have to worry about him. But on good days, I channel that anger into compassion for everyone in the world feeling rage, too.

 

Best advice you got in your life and from whom?

My mentor in life was the late Marcia Tucker, the feminist curator, mother and Buddhist who founded the New Museum in Lower Manhattan. She was a family friend and she famously said:

“Act now, think later, then you’ll have something to think about.”

Now, this advice has gotten me into a lot of marvelous trouble! But the energy behind it is, don’t be scared. Go for it! Which is why I often approach projects with a blind fold on and just do it.

 

 

Did you always sing or did you find your voice later?

I always sang. My grandparents were opera singers, and I grew up with music in the house. My dad loves to sing and we’d harmonize to the Beatles Sgt. Pepper or Neil Young in the car. I didn’t start to write my own music until I was a teenager, and then it just became how I dealt with the world. It’s my coping mechanism. People ask, how could you write an album (Wolves 2016) while your son was in the hospital? It was easy; it was the only way I knew how to process what was going on. Singing has a magical effect. I think it’s the breathing in and out. It frees and heals the soul.

 

 

Do you sleep with your mobile in the same room?

I struggle with this! I turn my phone on airplane mode, but I like to have it near me for an emergency. This is the mother in me. I am really sensitive to my phone. My body tells me when it’s had enough of its energy and I need to set it aside. I can waste a lot of time on Instagram, time that you just don’t get back.

 

 

Do you believe in reincarnation?

Yes, I do. Mostly I believe in energy coming back. So, it’s not that I was once the Queen of England or Cleopatra or I lived on Atlantis (have you noticed everyone claims this was who they were!). I believe that bits and particles from my past lives travel with me to this life, which is why sometimes people, places and things are familiar. We recognize a feeling.

 

Alexa, the twins and her husband Ian Sullivan

 

 

What do you want to be and look like when you are old?

Georgia O’Keefe! Or Louise Bourgeouise.

Louise Bourgeois photographed by Bruce Weber for a Helmut Lang campaign

 

 

Latest project you are working on?

I’m writing a book of essays about motherhood. My experience as a mother has been pretty intense thus far. I hope that by sharing my stories with the sense of humor and positivity that got me through horror and joy, I can impart that wisdom and survival skills to other mamas.

It’s so important to laugh through the hard times and to know that millions of people have felt exactly what you might be feeling that day too.

 

 

Thank you so much, Alexa <3

find more of Alexa here or on Instagram